Friday, August 31, 2007

Trip Report 2: Actual Facts

Well, I've gone back over my play on this past weekend, and it wasn't quite a harbl kicking. I just slowly bled off chips with hands that refused to hit. I wouldn't call pot size bets drawing to gutshots that inevitably hit.

I ran AA into the mighty T6o that turned a straight. My Hiltons were no match for a rivered flush with A5. My flopped flush couldn't take down a runner runner boat (I did have him on his hand, but had to pay off 1/5th pot on river).

The only good news is I never felted. I never went broke with one pair. I couldn't hit hands and was able to let go when I had the worst of it. The play of other players was horrible.

The complete disregard for positional play. The idea that small (minuscule even) pocket pairs are raising hands. The concept that second pair is golden (this got me into trouble with my AA v T6 hand because the T6 guy had felted 2 times in the previous orbit calling and raising all the way down with second pair both times).

Without cards there is only so much you can do. Over time these games are very beatable. I was feeling sick the first half of the trip and not really playing my best poker. I still have trouble remembering that there is no way a station can find the fold button.

This is not to say it was not a fun trip. It was a good capstone to my vacation week. I ate well and had some good times. I learned how to play Pai Gow (for a profit no less!).

I even won a hand with the hammer. I was at a fairly solid table and raised from the SB when it was 5 handed. I didn't expect two of the limpers to come along with me. Flop was Q22 and that was the end of the story. Dude in the CO thinks about calling my bet and then folds 44 face up. I flash my hammer and we all share a laugh.

There were some pretty good quotes as well. Kuro and I always stop in Alabama for some BBQ on the way out. There is this local place Jim Deerman's BBQ (It's Pig Pickin' Good) that is our usual stop. We both order the platter that consists of pulled pork, pulled beef, ribs, chicken, texas toast, and two sides (onion rings and fries of course).

They forgot my order and I had to remind them while Kuro is sitting there trying to be polite and not wolf down his plate. Neither of us had breakfast and the aroma was tantalizing. I finally reminded them of my order and got it. What a feast! I recommend everything but the chicken with fake grill marks.

Then it got ugly. I couldn't finish my platter, but Kuro had The Hunger. We had both noticed the pie selection when ordering the meal. Particularly tempting were the Caramel Somethingorother and the Lemon Icebox. I don't know how he had the gustitudinal fortitude to even order, much less eat it. But when we were walking out he let loose the prophetic "A pie too far" statement. He was fit to pop and had half the road trip yet to drive.

The entire trip was punctuated with harbl references. Kuro thought I had been saying "horrible" so everything was about harbl/horrible (e.g. horrible soup). Hey, don't judge us! You'll find almost anything funny if you are on the road for 6 hours.

Passing through Alabama we found that Wesley's Boobie Trap was back in business after being replaced by an "arcade". Some of you may remember the Trap from an earlier post (I'm not going to bother to learn how to link to my own posts) and I am so glad it is back with us. Another notable location we found was the Nut Hut. Pictures of both with be forthcoming.

We later stopped at the Mississipi visitor center for the free Coke they offer to visitors to their state. The sign outside proclaimed that they had "The warmest reception in the South." Kuro remarked (after a latrine visit) that what they had was "The coolest shitters in the South."

However, the funniest thing on the trip happened at a 1/2NL table at the Strike. I'm in the 5s and there is a middle aged lady in the 2s. I will relate the conversation as I heard it.

Lady: "I was very disappointed in the gift shop. They are supposed to carry every thing you need and be in the service industry. I went there looking for hos. Would you believe that they don't have hos there?!"

Table: ".........."

Lady: "I mean, they are trying to cater to an upscale crowd and people need their hos."

At this point the dealer and I just stare at each other for a minute as a cloud of silence descends upon the whole table. I raise my eyebrow and he just shakes his head.

Lady: "I'm supposed to go out with my husband tonight, and I can't do that without hos. They are supposed to have everything you need. They don't have any pantyhose or nylons or anything else like it."

And of course at this point the table breathes a collective sigh of relief. The cute girl and her husband who are both dealers from out of state start chattering again. The dealer looks like he has stared into the abyss and saw something wave back and then recovers his composure and it is game on.

Well, that's the highlights of the trip. Or at least how I remember them. The only real difference between then and now is Loki was deharbled today. No kitteh hos for him.

All I know is that people need their hos.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Tunica Trip Report 1: Kicked In The Harbls.

If'n you don't know what a harbl is let me elucidate your punk ass.


Well, that about explains what happened to me on this trip. The only set I hit was against Kuro, who folded to my raise. It was all downhill from there.

The good news is i got some good quotes and I will relate those to you later. For now, it is my birthday and I'm gonna have a drink.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Been meaning to post this...

I was going to post this with some tilt related material but whatever. I finally got around to downloading the Hawai'i pics from my camera and wanted to put it up. It would have been up sooner but the ex stole my camera's data cable. I just got around to going to Wolf and getting a quasi replacement today.

It's amazing how much time I have on my hands not having to work and all. Next stop, Tunica!


Monday, August 20, 2007

On the other hand....

Turns out the Birthday Bluffing Bash will have to be rescheduled. Kuro and I will be jetting off to beautiful, cosmopolitan Tunica to put the beat down on some fish.

I like the birthday gambling trips. The first big ANTA crew gambling outing occurred on my birthday a few years back. I made quads twice on that trip, and won $50 just for sitting in the correct seat during a drawing (on the actual b-day).

We met crazy motherfuckers like Gypsy and I learned that 1-4-8-8 was not my game. My game has improved exponentially from where I was then but I still treasure that experience.

I ate at a Sonic for the first time and Gnome got to finally go to a Hooters. I think all of us judged our game to be a lot different (read: thought we were better than we were) than it actually was. Everybody lost money on that trip if I remember correctly. However, it provided a good base for expanding our games out of home game/online parameters.

Now it is time for me to put what I learned to work. I believe Kuro got us rooms at the Strike so I look forward to not sleeping for a weekend while pouring down good beats on scrutable locals and daytrippers from my employer's central location. If all else fails, it may be time to pull out some bad beats of my own.

Of course this means the FISHRABOT tourney has been postponed a week. I should have constructed a tabletopper for my dinner table by then. The felt has already been purchased and I went to Home Depot today to look at what kind of material to wrap it around. It will either be hardboard (think pegboard without the pegholes) or a kind of foam.

I'll need to purchase a jigsaw, but I would probably need one of those anyway. I will also need a staplegun, but that is also one of those things that men need to purchase at a certain point in their life.

So I'm going to sit back and enjoy my vacation until we leave on Friday. My agenda for the week up until then is to renew my CDL and work on Operation How The Fuck To Build A Tabletopper. Oh yeah, and drink. So if you're in my hood sometime this week give me a ring and buy me a beer.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

It's my birthday and I'll bluff if I want to

Alright fuckers, here we go. It's that time again, I've got just over a year until I turn 30 and want to celebrate. So I'm proposing a tourney at my house on Saturday the 25th of August (B-day is the 26th).

Now, I know you're asking yourself "How do I fit in? I'm just a regular mouthbreather. What could the great and powerful Sham want from me?"

It's quite simple really. I just want you to show up and have a good time. Get a designated driver so at least some of you can really party. And y'all need to decide what kind of tourney it will be. HORSE or FISHRABOT.

If you are not familiar, or did not read the comments on the last post FISHRABOT is quite simple. It is Five card draw, Indian holdem, 7 Stud, Holdem, Razz, Omaha hi, Badugi, O8, Deuce to Seven Triple Draw.

Gnome didn't make it through the first round when we had a HU tourney in February, further proving that live poker played on an airplane is rigged.

Anyhoo, I'm thinking between $10 and $20 buy in with rebuys up to the first break, and an add on. I'm not good at tourney formats being a cash game player, so I'm open to suggestion on that front. Votes for format go in the comments please.


Well, back to congrats on the second ITPC (In Town Poker Challenge or Inside the Perimeter Cockfight, you decide). Thanks to BrianMc and Main Event Mike to making it out. Hopefully Surf and Kuro can make it to my Birthday Bluffing Bash.

I had fun even if nobody else did. I know now what Fuel means when he says that flopped straights never win. I had 6c7c in late and the limped flop comes 5h8c9c.

So I have a flopped straight with an open ended straight flush draw. How could I possibly win this hand? I minraise the flop. Turn is the 6h. Fuck, what to do. Oh, I know. Overbet that fucker. Of course you call. River is the 7h. Damn, nice counterfeit. I go from nut straight to playing the board. Of course I lose to TT. And yes, I do know the many ways I misplayed that hand.

Eh, it was nice to be up 4.5 buy ins, but I'll take being up 2 buy ins. It's still better than losing. MEM was the big winner and both Doug and Da Bruiser cashed out up and left early.


Oh, and if anybody is interested, on the day of the blessed even itself there will be a pub crawl in my neighborhood. Unless you object to drinking on the Lord's Day and then we could do it late Friday. Or you can just all donk of your money to me and we can hit the bars on Saturday. Whatever, I'm game.

P.S. Official email invite will be crafted sometime this week.

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Sunday, August 12, 2007

Does your faghole burn?

Thanks to everybody who made it out last night, especially y'all that live OTP. New words were created (e.g. faghole) and much silliness was had by all. Full post will follow sometime this week.

The weekend after next is my birthday and I'm thinking about a tourney. Either HORSE or FISHRABOT tourney. Email me if you are interested, I'm thinking either $15 or $20 buy in.

Well, I have run to the bar to hang out with some of my old coworkers. Later, bitches!

P.S. Does it mean somebody is talking about it if your faghole burns?


Saturday, August 11, 2007

Jah, what great fuckery is this?

I guess I only have myself to blame. I'm the one who stayed up late last night. I'm the one who put myself on the Saturday rotation. I'm the one who likes to drink.

I stayed up until about 0400 last night watching tv and then reading. I had a few beers and then chased those down with a few whiskey drinks. I knew I had to be at work at 0900, as evidenced by my alarm going off at 0750.

Of course, the kicker was I woke up on the couch. I often sleep on the couch for a variety of reasons. In the old apartment it was usually because I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and then crashed on the couch rather than walking the 10 extra feet to my bed to go back to full sleep.

These days the main reason I sleep on the couch is that the AC doesn't work in my bedroom. I have some kick ass fans going in there but it is still warm air they are pushing around. So I often sleep on the couch for a few hours and then quasisomnambulate to my bedroom for the rest of my REM shift.

But, because I only slept for four hours I never moved on to Phase two of the sleep plan. I wake up disoriented (though nice and cool) and try to find the source of my auditory irritation. Needless to say I am not happy to be awake.

I grab twenty more minutes of sweet oblivion then carry out my ablutions and get my roll on. Groggy, a little hung over, and just generally pissed to have to come to work. The only consolation is that Saturdays are straight up gravy and just me dicking around in the intarweb all day. Easy, right?

Nope, Jah is pissed at me. I am supposed to get schedules for all my stations on Saturday. Out of those six stations, I'll settle for schedules on four and fly the others two by the seat of my pants. There is only one schedule waiting for me. Great, now I spend 30 minutes tracking down MODs trying to get something they get emails about every goddamn week.

Then, I spend another 45 minutes trying to track down all the employees who haven't signed on to make sure they are doing their goddamn jobs. Then the phone calls and messages start. Shit, dude, I only cover this part of the world one Saturday a month, how the fuck am I supposed to know intricate details about Eastanollee, Georgia. I didn't even know that fucking city existed before today.

What grand fuckery is this? It's like every little thing that could go wrong is. Well, except for the first Saturday I worked when one of my employees got arrested, but that's another story.

So I'm just pissed off at the world and yawning every 10 minutes. I'm actually having cold flashes and shivering at one point. I begin to regret hosting a game tonight because all I want to do after work is go home and have a nap. While walking through the dark hallway to the breakroom I close my eyes and almost fall asleep on my feet (actually did that once at Philmont after being on trail for 5 days).

I guess there is only one path before me. Red Bull to the rescue. I still have to go to Trader Joe's, the liquor store, and pick up some folding chairs before the game. I wanted to go by a Comcast location to change out my fucked up cable box (yes, Comcast and I are feuding again) but will not have time. I was going to look into going to a fabric store and just buying a roll of felt so there wouldn't be the sound of chips bouncing off my dining room table, but fuck that. I'm going to nap.

Satan willing, I'll be ready to host tonight. Be warned, I will be playing horribly and might have enough karma worked up to suck out every hand. I'm thinking about drinkin Old Fashioneds all night (with a few Jagers thrown in of course) and will be extra surly. Consider yourself notified, bitches.

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Monday, August 06, 2007

Running Well

It was a weird weekend poker wise. As Kuro noted, I got a little frustrated at the home game at Crookshank's place on Friday night. Heavy drinking coupled with bad beats equals Sham tirade.

I eventually just gave up in favor of sleep. I think I dropped a total of 5 buy ins. Eh, I know it's just a fin apiece but it's a grand annoyance getting in with the best of it and seeing the suckout come. Enough times will tilt me, and I need to work on my tilt avoidance, but I would rather just win than work on that.

So I do nothing all day Saturday except lounge around and polish off the last Harry Potter. I really didn't want to drive up to the middle of fucking nowhere to go to Josh's game. Fuck, he lives past CC (though not by much)!

But I am saved from the ignomy of driving by Kuro, and LB wants me to take some cupcakes up there. She is thinking about getting into the cupcake for hire biz and wants feedback on some recipes.

As I'm waiting for Kuro holding a cupcake carrier a drunk couple (God, I hope they were drunk) comes out of Urban Teahaus and notice me. Drunk guy yells "Hey! Cakeman! I wanna go where he's goin'! Hey, limo and cake man! I want some cake!" Kuro pulls up during the middle of this and I put the cupcake holder in the back seat and climb in the front while trying to ignore a drunken would be cake hijacker. I'm still wondering where the limo comment came from.

Anyhoo, after a quick dinner at Chipoople we're off north of town. It is a bit of a haul to get up there, but I guess if I expect people to come to my part of town I should go to theirs. And there are cupcakes to be eaten once we arrive!

So Josh's house is pretty much like I expect, and Kuro described the mood pretty well. I remember how to play against stations and the results are far better than the night before (it helps that my hands held up).

I pushed with quad dueces in and O8 hand knowing that I would be quartered, I just wanted to show down quads. I made most of my money in another O8 hand with a nut straight and second nut low for three quarters of the pot on a 4 way all in. The game breaks when Bibb is out of buy ins. I'm up two buy ins and feeling good.

When I get home I don't feel done for the day. The last time I played online was when the Braves lost to the Astros on Thursday. In accordance with the rules governing the performance of the Braves and the health of my bankroll I took a small hit that day. But on Saturday Huddy pitched a hell of a game and I was feeling it.

It's probably about 0100 and I fire up Bodog and pour myself a drink. I see some completely donktastic play and just can't leave. There was a four way minraise/call/minraise fest until three of the four were all in preflop (he dropped out two minraises before all in!). The monsters they turn over are A3s, QQ, ATo. Justice is served when the Queens hold up and now I have a tripled up donk on my right.

This is the norm for play at NL10 and the tables are hopping. When a table gets short I look at the stack sizes and if it is just a couple of shorties left I bounce. I stay at my original table all night while jumping around a couple others. There is not much left in my liquor cabinet so I am drinking Jager and Sprite, which was suprisingly good.

Next thing I know it is almost 0500 and I cash out all the tables and head to bed. I made about 10 buy ins (about a quarter of my online BR) and feel jubilant. Of course, I am useless all Sunday and get very little done.

I try and see the Simpsons movie, but the AC in the theatre is broken and I'm not sitting in a greenhouse for 87 minutes. Then I try and rent the Reno 911 movie from Videodrome. I go home and put a new kitchen shelving unit together then throw in the disc. Turns out it is the disc for Reno 911's first season!

I walk back over to Videodrome to find out somebody pulled a switcheroo on them. They disc isn't even one of theirs (they have a little plastic thing with their logo in the middle and it wasn't on it)! Movieblocked again!

I end up watching the second season of Spaced. If you haven't seen it I recommend it. If you liked Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz it is the BBC series they did before that.

If you are hoping this post would contain wisdom or humor you lose. Just an example of how little I do most weekends. That being said, game at my house on Saturday so be there motherfuckers. I will provide the usual:

1. Decent beer
2. A far larger quantity of cheap beer
3. Jager, Jager, Jager
4. Pretzel chips
5. An opportunity to be scratched by my SatanCat
6. As much two buck chuck as you can stomach
7. Anything else that looks good at Trader Joe's
8. Your choice from an assortment of communicable diseases
9. Did I mention the Jager?

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