Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Ape Report, Day 1



Made it out to the Pokercats Arena last night. Since I'm always the last person there and people start leaving almost as soon as I show up I'm throwing chips around like a madman. I lose a couple buy ins, but it is to be expected in that high variance game (especially when you go all in knowing you are beat drawing to a 4 outer, lol).

No, that wasn't what put me on tilt last night. I had fun and saw some friends then went out to Manny's for a nice meal afterward.

What put me on tilt was a hand once I got home. I had three tables open, and was just basically paying my blinds and not paying for showdowns on two while chipping up steadily on the third.

On the third table the person on my right had a 4x stack. He was constantly berating other players while not exactly playing that well. I just want to get a little of that stack. We're in middle and he makes a standard (for him) 6xBB raise, and I RR a redonkulous amount to isolate with KK. He calls and I fly over the flop. He checks, and I'm all in. He calls and has the other two Kings. The difference is that he gets there with a runner runner flush.

Okay Ape, what do I do? That's right. I shut it down.

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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Obey the Ape!



I'm creating a new set of guidelines for myself.

The Obey the Ape program is a way to keep me from playing poorly online.

Had too many beers? Obey the Ape, don't play.
Feel like I'm not playing optimally? Obey the Ape, don't play.
Take a bad beat and start to target a toaster? Obey the Ape, don't play.
Feel like playing just to be doing something? Obey the Ape, don't play.
Be emotionally invested in a sports game on the telly? Obey the Ape, don't play.

There are many more rules, but the fact remains that there is only one thing that is important. Obey the Ape, it's the law.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Shicking Fut.

Well, it finally happened. My computer is dead. My only regret is I never pulled off my pictures. They are stuck on that laptop's hard drive until I figure a way to somehow get them off. I guess I need to grab my trusty butter knife and hack the fucker open and take the hard drive to somebody who knows what they are doing. Eh, fuck it.

The real injustice here is the circumstances surrounding the death of Krustie teh Komputar. Gnome and I had been talking on Saturday about how awesome it was that CFB was back in the house and how Saturdays are great again. We were both having bacon for breakfast and watching CFB (despite the 6 hour time difference).

So he brought to semi-fruition an idea that I had about five years ago. The perfect breakfast which would be baconwhiskey (or whiskeybacon). He did a shot of whiskey during his wakeup/breakfast cycle of the morning and expounded about how well it wakes one up in conjunction with football and bacon.

So, later in the day I decide to make some more bacon. BTW, to everybody out there who still pan fries bacon, you are a tard. The best bacon is made in the oven, either using the broiler or on a rack over a pan. It is easy and a cinch to clean, not to mention the best tasting. You also don't have to stand over it and risk grease burns, you just toss it in and forget it until you smell bacony goodness.

Anyhoo, I'm making some more bacon and strike upon the idea of a picture of whiskey bacon. I pull the bacon out and arrange it artfully on a plate. I cut a piece in half and insert half into the shot glass full of Redbreast 12 year and then lay the other half over the top. I take a couple pictures for posterity and blogging purposes.

Later that day when it comes time to upload the pics my computer won't turn on. I guess I should have seen it coming. I'd been meaning to move all my other pics onto my iPod but had just been too lazy. This is the price I pay (plus the price of a new computer).

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In other news my boys Rambled over Samford 69-14. And it wasn't even as close as the score suggested. I think about 73 different players got PT and the first string was pulled after the first period. This could be a good year for the Yellow Jackets. I don't see anybody on the schedule we should lose to, especially in the new ACC.

Now, I'm not going to say we won't lose. I've seen this team too many times to ever make that prediction. Taylor Bennett hasn't been really tested and proved himself. We were only 2 for 11 on 3rd down on Saturday (though 5 for 5 on 4th). The defense will be strong and Deuce will get his yards on the ground, but I still have no faith in our ability to pass.

We'll play our first quality opponent on Saturday and finally get a look at how good this team is. I would put a bet on it, but my fucking computer is broken and I won't log onto a gambling site from my work computer. We need to come out and put a hurtin' on BC like me on a Bacon Bacon & Bacon sandwich.

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Work is completely suck now. One month ago I had a management team on the PM side I could depend on. Three weeks ago my best guy transferred. Two weeks ago another one bolted. Then, last week my last veteran PM manager got sick of the bullshit and quit. I'm left with an AM manager who was just coming over to the PM to fill in for the first guy who transferred.

Now, my job is to babysit adults (figuratively). I have to remind 120 people how to do their jobs correctly on a daily basis. 45 of those people are PM primary, and therefore my major concern (my children). I have to be the bad babysitter and sometimes demand they eat their brussell sprouts before watching TV. I have to be the bad guy quite often, and so I have a certain way I deal with my kids.

This is now going to be harder because I don't know which parent (manager) to go to so I can ensure discipline for when the kids get in fights, or do not respect me. I cannot administer corporal punishment and have always had to rely on the "wait until your father hears about this" method of discipline. Now I'm left with a "who's your daddy" situation.

Of course, most of them are good kids. It is just going to be trying without some strong leadership at the helm. Fuckin A, these next few months are going to suck. It is going to take forever to fill these manager slots and even longer to whip said managers into shape. Going into the busiest time of the year no less. Feh, fuck it. It's just a paycheck (and a 401k, and a pension, and full benefits, but I digress).

At least I got a good quote of the day:

Me: Time to grab some coffee.
D: There's no coffee breaks in [our department]!
Me: Yeah, there's just lulls in time between getting kicked in the junk.

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Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Humping the shark

While shopping for necessities as Target today (soap, q-tips, beef jerky)I finally pulled the trigger. I have previously mentioned my little obsession with Bruce Campbell on this page, and it snuck up and bit me today. I went ahead and bought some of that Old Spice Body Spray.

I'm coming back from picking up my 16 pack of Irish Spring with Micro Scrubbing Fuckers (tm) when I spot it out of the corner of my eye. I had been joking about it for a while and when I saw the on sale demarcation it was all over. Thirty two cents off motherfuckers! Now I can afford that 5 pack of Wrigley's in the checkout aisle!

There is only one choice left to me now. I had thought they would have just had Old Spice scent, but it appears the company acquiesced to the demands from the mouthbreathing public for newfangled laboratory created olfactory assaults like Aqua Reef and Douchey Meadow.

Now, I am nothing if not old school so I went for Original Scent. I figured that woman are always looking for a father figure, so I could one up that shit with trying to be a grandfather figure. I have the scent (and I don't mean the mothball, death, and hard candy scent so reminiscent of some of our pappy's later years) so all I need now is a cardigan. You know what they say, "Bitches love cardigans." Mr. Rogers must have been pulling more tail than the toilet seat at the Ex-lax quality control department.

I could go on here about getting a lawn to shoo people off of, smoking a pipe, having sex with grandmothers, but let's not beat a dead horse. Back in my day bloggers knew when to abandon a joke.


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In other news, LB has gotten a kitten. He is all black and seems to inherited Loki's personality. I have suggested two names that she just won't accept and I can't think why. Who wouldn't want to name their cat Mastodon Kitteh or Cthulu?

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Bacon is life.



I just can't stop laughing about this.