Wednesday, December 26, 2007

When we last saw our hero......

He was about to head into the most hellishly busy part of the year. Fuck you JVC. Fuck you shitty coworkers. Fuck you asshole customers. Fuck you incompetent management. Fuck you employees who don't do right.

But it's all better now. Xmas is in the past and I can relax. The way people react to PEAK season would make you think we hadn't done this before. That the last X number of years around this time it was any different.

It was pretty bad last week. I got pretty damn stressed and went out to buy myself a Xmas present. I had been eyeing Gnome's Blackberry Pearl for the past year and found out I could get the new Pearl for $50 so I went ahead and did so. It's pretty fucking sweet. I don't need it, but that is 87.2% of the fun.

Xmas itself was pretty good. I got up at 1000 to start cooking. I had taken a trip to YDFM (Your Dekalb Farmer's Market) over the weekend and got some nice fresh vegetables and cheeses.

I made a honey brined turkey breast, mashed potatoes, cauliflower gratin, green beans simmered in freshly made ham stock, and some honey roasted parsnips. My mother brought over a the traditional sweet potato souffle and pumpkin pie, both made with Splenda in deference to my father who is diabetic. I used the new Kitchenaid stand mixer I got for Xmas to make some Amaretto whipped cream (heavy cream, sugar, and Disarono. I don't know why I have Disarono. It's not like I drink it. I also have a bottle of off brand Amaretto. Dunno why. The world is a funny place sometimes) to top the slices of the non-diabetics. It was far too much food for five people, even people as large as my family (except Mom, who is looking quite good especially considering her latest adventures in cardiovascular surgery).

I have to give mad props to LB, who came over and helped with the cooking when she heard that I was in the weeds. She also provided the ham bones to make the ham stock and the recipe for honey roasted parsnips that my father really liked (well, it was salt and pepper the parsnips, roast them off then toss with honey). Without her help it would have taken me at least an hour longer to finish cooking. I staved off hunger for a while by pan frying some Halloumi with a little fresh lemon juice squeezed over it to serve as an appetizer.

It was a weird day for Loki. Xmas Eve was the first time he had interaction with dogs when my parents came by with Amantha and Crabby Sue on their way up to the hotel. He dealt pretty well, just was curious as to what the fuck they were. Then Xmas day LB's dog Mojo comes over and then my parents dogs are over later in the day. Loki didn't hiss at them or get territorial. I was kinda hoping he would kick Crabby Sue's ass but no such luck.

Everything was going fine until my sister flipped her bitch switch. I really should start setting a timer so I can accurately judge how long it takes to reach Familial Meltdown. My sister is always the source, and it is normally caused by her crazy ass feud with our cousin (they share a first name) who isn't even at the family gathering. Drama queen/compulsive liar takes the fore and turns a nice time into an awkward morass of embarrassment and abuse of our mother's emotions.

She left without her gifts so I thought I should get her new coffeemaker, but that was not the case. She also left before I could cut her a check for my half of the presents for our parents (dishwasher for Mom, chest freezer for Dad). I'll have to call her in a few weeks to arrange payment. The real problem is I had made up a 15"x11" pan full of food for her to take home for herself and the new BF that she left behind. I don't have the fridge room or the belly room to take care of the sheer volume of leftovers (damn double portion of cauliflower gratin! And did I really need to make two pounds of green beans and three pounds of potatoes?).

I was really happy to have Xmas dinner at my place. It was the first time my parents have come up here since they both moved to Florida. Everything just worked out this time. My sister had moved back to the ANTA and we both have jobs that require us to be there on Xmas Eve and the day after. My mother still is in no condition to be slaving over a huge meal (though she would). The only bad part of having it at my place was that I (a non-believer) was asked to say grace. Both my parents snickered and looked to ceiling as if expecting lightning or somesuch.

If I am going to do this again (and I hope I get to) I will try and invite as many people as I can. Not just to have more people to spread out the leftovers, but I discovered that I like cooking in large quantities. I like preparing a menu and carrying it out. Normally when I cook for myself I just make and entree and leave it at that. If I have a side it is most certainly an afterthought.

Oh, and I ended up using my blowtorch for the first time. Banana brulee over cinnamon dulce de leche ice cream. Simply fucking delicious. Like I really needed to eat any more that day, but whatever. Xmas only comes once a year.

Monday, December 17, 2007

And That's All I Have To Say About That

Tits Have Points

Dude #1: Yo, check it out: this chick in the lecture I was just in -- huge tits, bro.
Dude #2: Yeah?
Dude #1: Yeah. Fucking bombs.
Dude #2: That's it? That's the story? I mean, I like tits, but there's gotta be a point to a story, man.
Dude #1, after long pause: ... Fag.

--Kimmel Center, NYU

Overheard by: that guy


via Overheard in New York, Dec 15, 2007

Monday, December 10, 2007

Oh Yeah

Congrats to Kuro for the Live Bloggermentation. Show those bitches how to suck it.

Recap

Did I meet my goals? Shammie Snack: Yes. Bar patronage: No. Not even close. I am getting really fuckin' old.

I have a large recap as my vacation is now officially over. I have done nothing. The laziness of this week has spilled over and I now will not do a real recap.

I will just leave y'all with the most important thing I learned this week. Ethiopian food leaves me with wicked killer flatulence. When you have to crack the window on a homegrown you know it is bad.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Tittyfish Redux

I've never done the Youtube thing before so let us see if this works. This is for all y'all out there who didn't see the Metalocalypse episode with the song.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Count

Shammie Snack (aka Jager Bomb) count is at 17.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Vacamotherfuckation

Oh god I love vacation. I set goals for this week. I will have to be in a bar every day this week (drinking, I'm not sure if that was implied). That didn't used to have to be a goal, but I guess I'm getting old. I will have to have 20 Jager bombs (current count 7, way above my computed rate). I will have to get Kuro drunk (done and done). I will have to complete my only household project, the tabletopper (done and done, but the quality is suspect). I will have to eat lunch at all the places I don't normally get to (El Myr is checked off the list now).

So tomorrow is Kuro's birthday so I will be having a game. Good thing I got off my ass today and completed the tabletopper project. I will be making venison chili for the game (unless I get lazy and decide not to) and stocking up on two bottles of Jager (should go nicely with the 42 cans of Red Bull in my house). I might just pick up some Prosecco for the bubbly factor.

I've also learned some things. I learned that really good orange juice will make really bad champagne taste super awesome. I love mimosas and have had this bottle of Frexinet in the back of the fridge for almost two years. Add some Simply Orange and you have some super delicious drinkage.

I've learned that as much as Loki likes having me home (so he can sit on my lap and prevent me from reading my book) he still won't fucking listen to me. Kitty loves felt and doesn't like the fact that I'm keeping him off the tabletopper.

Speaking of said 'topper, it looks pretty cool right now. I have used all of my old college textbooks to press down the corners and help dry the glue. I have yet to check the business side so it may look like complete shit with folds and other gaps when I turn it over tomorrow.

I will leave y'all with a new term I am trying to bring to the public consciousness. If you get sufficiently mad at somebody, or just want to have fun in the girly chat, call somebody a Douchenoodle (tm).

Next Week: The Douchenugget (tm), definition and proper uses of.

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Saturday, December 01, 2007

Diablo's Revenge

For lunch (at 1530, I eat lunch late) today I made my triumphant return to Nuevo Laredo. It is the best Mexican restaurant in the ANTA. Nowhere else comes close, not even the places on Buford Highway where you will be the only gringo in the joint.

Nuevo Laredo is off in an industrial area just west of downtown and not too far from Tech's campus. I first discovered it in '98 and have not changed my opinion of it. It is simply the best.

The food is all fresh and delicious, not to mention authentic. The margaritas are (of course) Texas style and wonderful. I don't normally eat salsa, but Jesus Fucking Christ it is amazing. The queso? Don't even get me started.

The menu is beautiful. My first time there I was surprised not to see the order by number combination menu that every other Mexican restaurant I had been to had. The last section is entitled Hamburgers Para Gringos and only has one item in it.

I heartily recommend everything in the specialties section. I had the Chicken Mole the time before last I was there. I never liked mole before then. My absolute favorite is the Steak Diablo. My god, I could do shots of the chili sauce. If you can't handle spice I would go with my next favorite, the Tampiquena Steak.

But don't try to go on a Friday or Saturday night (closed Sunday, I found out the hard way). You will be waiting a while. But you could get yourself a pitcher of margaritas and shoot the shit on the porch out front. I've frozen my ass of doing that in the winter.

So I normally go during off hours. Because I'm used to lunch at 1530 on weekdays I can do lunch at the same time on Saturday. That Steak Diablo today was the best meal I've had in recent memory. I groaned with pleasure many times during my meal. The waitress gave me sympathetic looks. I stuffed myself and almost finished the entire plate.

The end result is that I had a nice food coma to watch the SEC Championship game today. Is it just me or does Les Miles look like Kurt Russell with fetal alcohol syndrome?

The other end result of the meal was later in coming. I was supposed to go to a show with Matt this evening. I get up and walk outside to wait for him to pick me up when there is a telltale rumble from my lower GI tract. There is no way I'm going to the Masquerade when a toilet trip is in my near future, so I had to tell Matt to go on without me.

I made the correct decision. As soon as I was back upstairs I was very glad to have Charmin Ultra Strong on hand.

The moral of this story? Don't stuff yourself. Take the remainder of your meal home, don't try to power through the meal. Or just make sure you have a roll of CUS on hand.

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