Cobra!

Damn it feels good to have a closer
A real closer-ass pitcher plays his cards right
A real closer-ass pitcher never runs his fuckin mouth
Cuz real closer-ass pitcher don't start fights
And pitchers always gotta high cap
Showin' all his boys how he shot em
But real closer-ass pitchers don't flex nuts
Cuz real closer-ass pitchers know they got em
And everythings cool in the mind of a closer
Cuz closer-ass pitchers think deep
Up three-sixty-five a year 24/7
Cuz real closer-ass pitchers don't sleep

And all I gotta say to you
Wannabe, gonnabe, cocksuckin', pussy-eatin' hosers
Cuz when the fry dies down what the fuck you gonna do
Damn it feels good to have a closer


Sometimes, the only way to get the proper emotion across is to paraphrase the Geto Boys. I'd like to make that into a Hallmark card.

Of course, I'm referring to the return of Mike Gonzalez to the Braves last night. This closer by committee of fucktards isn't working. The collective douche wafflage of the bullpen has robbed the Braves starting pitching of too many wins.

The disappointment of neither Soriano or Smoltz panning out for closing really sucked. Hopefully me jumping on the bandwagon of Gonzalez this early won't lead to disastrous results. But it looks like he waited until he was fully ready to come back.

I don't remember much of him from last year. He went down so early that I didn't remember him or his pitching style. Has he always done that stand on the side of the mound and rock his shoulders thing? Dunno, but that has to be intimidating as hell to batters when he follows it up with that high heat.

I can't remember which batter it was last night, but dude kept stepping out of the box. I could see the fear in his eyes. Maybe he just had to piss, but it looked like fear to me.

That distinctive pitching style deserves giving him a nickname. I propose calling him "The Cobra". He moves back and forth hypnotizing and assessing the batter and then strikes!

I tried to find a clip on youtube of Gonzalez but failed. I guess if you want to see The Cobra in action you will have to watch some Braves games, which everybody should be doing anyway.

I hope my sports prediction is not the kiss of death it usually is, but I'm just so excited. The Bravos might have a chance this year after all.