Ah, melanin.

Dateline Butt Fucking Egypt: Actually I'm in Crossville, TN but we are close enough. Middle of fucking nowhere but goddamn is it fucking beautiful. I'm on vacation this week and needed to get the fuck out of the ANTA.

The original plan was to rent a cabin up near Helen, GA but unforeseen circumstances (e.g. fucking car breaking down) made that plan infeasible. I was just going to enjoy a stay-cation (excuse me for that fucking lame as shit expression) and do the tourist shit I've never done in the ANTA (e.g. aquarium). However, my father called and needed some help with painting his cabin.

That's right. Cabin. An actual log fucking cabin. He's had it for about three years and didn't feel safe at the top of the ladder painting the chinking while standing on the second to top step. He turned 66 last week so I sure as hell don't blame him.

Fuck, for the price of two tanks of gas (saw it for 3.53! [fuck! why is 3.53 a good price?]) I get to have my vacation. Also got to peruse the worlds' largest yard sale.

I also get to make use of the pool. It isn't near as hot as it is in the ANTA but it feels really good to take a swim in the middle of the day. Or the night, as I've done every night.

The only problem with this trip is the horrible sunburn I happened to pick up today. Not yesterday while roaming between roving bands of toothless rednecks in the world's largest yardsale in the full fury of Sol followed by a dip in the pool. Oh no, it's not that easy. I got it today while caulking and painting in the shade for 1.5 hours.

Now my forearms and the backs of my knees (!?) are a bright shade of crimson. My face, neck, and ears are also affected to a smaller degree. Fuck it, I'm actually having a good vacation. I never went up to my father's cabin before and it is nice to finally know where it is (especially considering I will most likely inherit it).

It is a great retreat 3+ hours from the ANTA. It may sound like a long drive but it is very breathtaking once you get into Tennessee. I've taken a daytrip here and just wished the entire driving time here that I had a sports car. Preferably a convertible so I could get the full enjoyment out of the scenery.

I will mos def be taking more trips up here now that I've seen it with my own eyes. If you're lucky I'll invite you up with me.